aight.
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
i feel like rambling on b4 i slp.
kinda like last minute thoughts.
today..
a somewhat strong realisation hit me.
about two things.
its now.
or never.
either i start picking it up now.
or i give it up.
and have fun.
and screw it all up.
the latter seems so enticing.
calling out to meet in a sweet saccharine voice.
but i know all i hear is a peculiar sibilant noise.
like a snake.
its tail rattling against the wind.
so i shall choose the former.
cos i owe it to myself.
all that i have worked for.
my 12 years of education
leading up to this one goal in my life-
to get into university.
i always figured it to be a part of the plan.
and i dont see any other path.
though the path seems crooked and shady now.
but i believe it otherwise.
i believe that the mists will lift.
and that i will make it through.
for it is not for a lack of brain that i fall.
but for a lack of diligence and faith.
a lack of courage.
a lack of patience.
and i will get through this time around.
because i have to.
because i want to.
this one is for myself.
for you my love.
and for my parents who brought me up.
for my mom whose pain and suffering
caused by me..
caused by others..
caused by the one man she has ever loved...
all that pain i will lift away.
when she holds in her hands my alevel certificate
with results confirming my place in university.
i will make it this time.
and ...
y'all gonna be proud of me that day!
--insignificant lies--
11:21 pm
bored but yet to sleep
haiz...
nothing to do online anymore.
no one to talk to.
so sianz.
manz...
what the hey..
can't i do anything else in the first place cept going online.
and the thing is now tt my rm..
the lights..
are damn...
WOAH!!
new freaking lights fixed in.
so haiz..
very terrible for the eyes.
but yet essential.
im listening to kimberly locke.
really like her voice.
and really love this song.
8th world wonder.
b is sleeping now.
bored sia.
want to talk on phone also cant.
darn.
why cant i slp?
its damn sickening la now.
dots.
k im boring u guys.
all i do is whine.
fabulous.
;)
--insignificant lies--
1:11 am
im bored.
Monday, September 27, 2004
waiting for babes to come back home.
then can call her.
and now so im bored.
miss khai.
she msged me just now.
really sweet of her.
thanks babe.
:D
it was really a surprising msg.
i know we dont see each other as often.
but she is my girl for life.
and su...
entertain you?
how??
i wish i could girl...
next time u need anything just gimme a call aight...
tmr sch starts.
so things get back into the rush.
i really am not in the mood.
just going thru the motions.
but i know my priorities.
time to get back to the books yo.
really need to work hard.
cos y'all gonna be proud of me one day.
and when that day comes..
everything's gonna fall in place.
peace out.
--insignificant lies--
1:18 am
the past.
Sunday, September 26, 2004
i really hate the past.
how stupid the past was.
how stupid i was back then.
to not see the truth.
i was blind because i wanted to be.
i lied to myself.
i guess my only consolation is now is
that i have you.
that should be all that matters.
but it isn't.
i want more.
however i know i cant change the past so i guess
i just got to accept it.
and i deleted the past.
and it is removed.
and i look forward to the future
with you.
us sailing on our skies.
hand in hand.
--insignificant lies--
6:48 pm
hello. its over.
Thursday, September 23, 2004
hi.
prelims are over.
but i guess its not over.
till ITS over..
darn.
im really pooped.
dunno why.
so damned.
haiz.
im waiting here trying to get the phone.
my mom has been nagging abt me n the phone.
and now..i want to get it.
but its to near my mom.
damn..
so as for updates.
dont ask.
tts all i have to say..
its gonna be far worse.
and worse.
and worse.
damned.
--insignificant lies--
1:05 am
ferri is in the house. dying.
Monday, September 13, 2004
so tmr is tt fucking bio exam.
i cant really close my eyes.
cos i am scared.
u know what is fear?
i see ghosts.
and think of scary things now.
haiz.
i think sometimes i sing too many sounds of truth.
now im listening to my main man.
2pac!
yeah..he bloody rox.
and the song is heaven ain't hard to find.
im waiting for kevon edmonds to play now.
kevon really rocks too.
i realise i seek for uniqueness.
that's what i seek for in my music.
and my baby.
the most precious thing in this world.
and i could never forget
everything.
the one that keeps me alive.
and the one true love.
who will always be there for me.
i thank you baby.
my baby.
im talking to two babes now.
agnes n feli.
both with their own agendas.
i feel for them.
i wish i cld change things for them.
esp agnes.
i wish i cld take the pain tt agnes feels.
i know tt pain.
and it really2 hurts.
i wish all of my frens the best.
i love u guys.
i love my baby.
i noe i sound like war is coming.
but it really is.
this will be the test of time.
--insignificant lies--
1:12 am
my studying sucks.
Monday, September 06, 2004
i wanna study outside.
but its difficult.
haiz.
tmr i shall work harder.
i guess.
this is a big bummer.
screw it.
oh well.
im sleepy.
think i shall slp now.
work harder tmr.
love love love..
--insignificant lies--
11:38 pm
halllooooooooooooooOooooooooooooOOOOOOoooooo
hey ya'll...
i've been meaning to update.
but everytime i come online i get bored.
the exams are round the corner.
and my study plan has been futile.
must work harder.
but im having a major headache now.
cant stand it.
i dont think i can fast today.
anyways...
this is for u to read on wednesday.
*i had a great time*
*another will n grace marathon*
*u know what i mean*
*will n grace*
*jack n karen*
*i want a gay best friend!!!*
*i love you.*
*so so much*
*MUACKS*
hahaha...goin mad....
--insignificant lies--
11:46 am
i shall enter and entry..hehehehe
Thursday, September 02, 2004
hello peepz...
i know i have not been frequent in my entries..
and u guys probly bored of me by now..
haha..
maybe u were already bored b4..
oh heck..
i still love myself..
hehheeh..
anw here i am updating..
this week has been pretty interesting..
monday got a nice $15 present..hehe..
u know wat im talking about.. ;)
i love it.
then on tues i went to eat sushi
with kei n leilani..
it was really nice..
after the thing i promised tt i wldnt
eat sushi for the next five years..
but now as im writing this
i feel like eating..
but guess its cos im hungry...
and then on tues also..had a really good time..
in the evening..
had a kinda will n grace marathon
plus some added bonuses.
and i wish things cld be like tt forever.
as for the subject of marriage.
i am so unprepared.
but i love to dream about it.
about the beaches.
and the barefoot.
and my tube gown..
and the white shawl.
and the white tent.
with the white tables.
and the white canopy.
and the white gazebo..
where we will have our first dance.
and the white lilies..and tulips..
and everything else..
(god why am i describing a non-muslim wedding??)
haha..
but then again it is possible to
have such a wedding malay style..
cept tt of course my poor husband
has to sit on the sand to take his akad nikah..
or maybe sit at the gazebo..haha..
but to bersanding at the beach..and have the reception there..
wow..
and then i can take photos by the beach..
really love tt beach in the philippines
that eula valdes got married at..fucking beautiful..
subahannallah...
btw if u guys didnt know..
i love god.
i might not be a devout muslim..
but i believe in him and his powers.
i just wish i cld face him with all my sins staining my skin
and boiling in my heart..
are u there god? it's me farah...
-love-
--insignificant lies--
9:39 am
